yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
