i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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