We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
