Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
