Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
