From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
