Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
