dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
