He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
