Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
