I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
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