Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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