Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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