Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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