her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
