So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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