Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
