Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
