He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
