I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
