She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
