no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
