trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
