Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
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she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
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I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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