6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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