She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
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Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
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First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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