you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
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I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
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I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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