I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
