Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
