Just cropdusted the office
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
