Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
