tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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