i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
