The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
