I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
