don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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