you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
