You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize