he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I would ride that face into the sunset
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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