dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
