I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
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it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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