if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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