cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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