hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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