I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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