If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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