420 ftw
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
