You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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