I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
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At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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