we're blogging at a bar
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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