Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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