why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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