i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
