I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
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