So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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