What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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