mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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