Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
