Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
