now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Randomize
