it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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