I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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