she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
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Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
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I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
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