Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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